she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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