Will you blow on my dice?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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