I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
