Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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