just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
