So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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