i don't like sucking hair
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
