sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
