im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
