I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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