At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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