thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
