I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
