It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
