she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
