No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
third nipple confirmed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
