you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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