Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
