Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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