AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
