I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
