I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
