tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
