Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
