I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
