I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
