onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
