I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
