Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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