I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
