Where is the hickey?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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