Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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