Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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