May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
