Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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