Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
