She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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