Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
