She said her name was "party"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
