All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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