My first STD was from a foam party
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
