Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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