How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
