hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
