Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
