my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
