I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just threw up on my dentist
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
