You're completely useless in the revolution.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
