Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
