The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
