Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer