forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.