I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Success! We fucked roommates!