You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is my gift to your gina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell