so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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