and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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