DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
