You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
