I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
