Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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