Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
