some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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