Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
