Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
