he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
