Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
