He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
